Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
