I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
