the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
