It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
