You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My pussy is not your playground.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
