So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
