I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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