Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
