I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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