a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
