Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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