After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
