what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
