Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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