These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
