You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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