At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
how does that bad decision feel?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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