the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
