My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
