Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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