She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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