Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
