Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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