I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
