I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I came so hard my ears popped.
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