I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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