Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
