operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
