Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
