I will die if light touches me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
