chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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