This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
