remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
