i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
