That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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