I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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