The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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