As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
