im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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