I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
