How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
