ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
