I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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