dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
