Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
