Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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