It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
