He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
