So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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