My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
40s are totally the cure
My ass is underappreciated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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