my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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