my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
