i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
