I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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