he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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