Sry I called you an 8
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
