not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
