i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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