yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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