butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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