two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
