she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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