i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
