Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
