Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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