we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm too high and old for this...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
