He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
