Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
