I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
