So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
