Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
